Today I got up late, made coffee, and worked on the book all day till about 3 o’clock, and then ate lunch for breakfast.
I talk about it in the preface, but have never talked about it here, the reasons that made me scrape up the due diligence to write this book.
I had two reasons. The first one was a sense of duty and decency, to tell my birthmother’s story which had never been told, and never would have been, because of the pain and shame and regret that I think we all felt, but helplessly could not change.
Mary Karr said, somewhere in her Best-Seller memoir, The Liars Club:
“kids in distressed families are great repositories of silence, and carry in their bodies whole Arctic wastelands of words not to be spoken, stories not to be told.” (as well as)“ … a grave sense of personal fault, for failing to rescue those beloveds lost or doomed.
My deepest impulse for writing the book is my own need to understand and forgive and finally let myself be forgiven. My hope is that when the book is done and all of our stories are told, the past will finally be completed, and then can be released.