Rule number one of the game of life: “Thou shalt not be perfect.” We are meant to make mistakes, to fail, to stumble and fall some of the time. This is the main way we learn, anything. How to walk, who we are, how life works.
My first conscious wondering about things like life and God happened when I was10. I wrote about it in the book:
It was the summer I was ten years old and the warm lazy days flowed along so easy and carried me with them and there was plenty of time. That was when I first started to look at the world around me and to notice things beyond the end of my own nose. Sometimes when I was by myself I climbed up into the little pear tree and sat in the branches and wondered about things like life and God.from: Vicory Is My Name, Book One: The Burning-Barrel
I’d be wondering about what God was, but then I’d notice a perfect green pear I could pick, so I did. And I ate the pear and it was warm from the sun, and crunchy and sour and sweet at the same time, and the juice ran down my chin and I forgot all about God. Everything was good, and God was taking care of it, and that was enough for me.”
As I get older (and yes, wiser) I find myself wondering again what God is. The only answer I get from the cosmos is that this is one of a number of things a mortal mind is not sufficient to contain. I’ve read in New Thought “You are one of the infinite ways God expresses the world.” (I.e. you are God expressing.) Oh how I want to believe this, to have a deep and strong and fearless faith. But being only human, this seems beyond my will of choice. This, like so many truths, including all the ones that Jesus taught, is Simple but not easy. I have a hard time accepting the precept that I am God, by any standard.
We are the species I’ve called “God’s most risky experiment.” All our lives we all stagger toward a light that is invisible. But today in my meditation a message came, as unexpected truths sometimes do, and as they almost always do, it flipped a common perception upside down and inside out. It said what God is:
“God is you at play in the world.”
And then it addressed the deep unspoken fear that haunts me these days, as I see my life winding down to its final chapters.
“God is not afraid of death, because God knows it is impossible.”
Do what you will with this. I don’t claim any clear understanding of it. But I’ve learned along my path to share what I’ve been given, just in case. Somebody else might need it and understand it, even though I may not.
You’re invited to read Book One of the Victory Is My Name Trilogy for free by downloading the e-book here: http://www.darkhorsepress.com/betareaders.html